My Terry is still missing. (9/11)

Last night was a little hard, my wife (Terry) and me had an argument over having a child. She wanted a child but I was not ready for it. I asked her to abort the child. Depressed and unwilling, she called her friend to accompany her to the hospital for her abortion.
Her friend Sharron had her office on the 45th Floor, North tower of World Trade Center. Terry called me for the final time from Sharron’s office, asking me if this is what I wanted her to do. I replied “Yes!” without even caring about her feelings.
It wasn’t late enough, the news of a plane crashing the tower spread like some virus (peple yelling on the streets). I was hoping that it is not the North Tower, which the plane collided into. My hands turned completely blue and cold. My hands were so numb that I could not even turn the television set on for the news. I was praying to Jesus to do some kind of miracle.
I left my house running down for nowhere. I kept asking, what tower Terry is in? I had lost all my senses. I could hear people scream. Each person I turned, hoping she is my wife. I could see her everywhere, yet nowhere. Finally I heard someone yell… “It’s the North Tower Daddd, I can see another plane coming close".
This was the time I realized that Terry isn’t coming back. I sat on the street unknowing where I am and what time it is. I could see people run, scream, cry and cry. Now all what I could see was dust coming towards me, like a dam has broken and the water forcing out like flood.
One of the police officers carried me to a safer zone and later dropped me home. “Tens of thousands of people must have died”- the police officer said while exiting my house. Only few thousand bodies were found later on. But my Terry is still missing.
I don’t know who to blame. Should I blame those Muslims who killed my Terry to get their ‘God knows what message’ across? Or my own self, who pushed her toward her death? But what difference will my opinion make? My…my Terry is still missing.